a small update

 

i walked through a door that led absolutely nowhere.

it led to someplace quiet and alone and where, frankly, not much happened. it led to a stagnant little room with a bed and a window that points to the sky and everything is filled with this soft, almost inaudible droning sound.

life is tiring. nothing goes in the right direction and nothing goes according to my plans. and i've been tired lately, so very tired, and all i want to do is lay on that bed and stare at the window and let the droning sound take me. i'm too tired to move or sing or smile, and i want to sink into that nice, drowning sound that's in my head.

unfortunately i can't do that. i wish i could, but i'm not going to do that. very slowly, at a pace that might seem like nothing to you but that is like pushing boulders to me, i'll write again and i'll sing again, a little bit at a time. even if nothing goes right, even if everything is dark and dragging and hopeless, i'll try again.

it's almost halloween, did you know? i think i'll go out then. that way, no one will question the ghost of me strolling under the streetlights. if you see me hanging say hello, and ignore the way my feet don't quite reach the floor, and don't mind the way i waver slightly with the lights. i'm doing my best to be alive for you.