about 'lovesong to a country killer'

 october 30th, 2025. the night before halloween.

'lovesong to a country killer' is out <3 it's all yours and as is usual at this point, i want to talk about it a little bit.

it seems just like a silly halloween themed project, but this song was actually a very fun trip! a lot happened during its production. a lot of discovery, frustration, finding new things, and experimenting. i definitely feel like i'm starting to get somewhere; even with my very limited resources, i feel like i'm straying from the more... normal? i suppose? sounds that i'm used to hearing in every other song. i'm finding new ways to put sounds together, new ways to sing without recoiling from embarrassment, and i'm also learning that sometimes, less is absolutely more.

(i quite love the direction i'm going in, ditching the random trap beats and relying more on heavy bass, droning 808s, and all in all, finding a sound that feels mine in a way. less is more, i guess. who would have known.)

lovesong actually started out as a completely different song. it had a different title - if you're curious, it was supposed to be called 'heart eater' - and was much shorter. i think heart eater came down to less than a minute and a half in length, and while the lyrics were sort of interesting, it didn't have much intrigue aside from that. heart eater was just another minute of rapping about having freak sex in a graveyard - which, don't get me wrong, is still something i'll find an excuse to sing about, just in a different song. heart eater will have to wait its turn.

at some point, i started changing the lyrics. little things here and there, rhymes that didn't sound as good out loud as they did in my head. then i changed some of the instrumental, removing some of the little sounds that i started to find frustrating; sounds and samples i had saved since ages, but that when i heard them all together, i found they didn't really sound like... me.

i'm definitely guilty of leaning on other artists i like and trying to use them as a safety net for what 'good music' is, and i had definitely fallen into that trap with heart eater. i wasn't writing my own song, i was writing for someone else.

that annoyed me to no end. i spent hours removing sounds, changing lyrics, adding two more verses, another chorus and an extra outro, playing with mixing until it started to sound like anything else than what i'd started with. the only thing that stayed the same was the bpm.

and somehow, things started to come together; i found a theme that i liked (for a halloween song especially, what's better than to write about a slasher?), i started having fun with adding samples that i found unconvential and 'wrong' when i first started out - VCR sounds and squishing and moans, a movie scene that does more to me than i'd like to admit - and in a revolutionary twist (i say with sarcasm), i actually put my tortured ego aside and raised the volume on my vocals. somehow, the scariest thing about lovesong is that you can actually hear me sing without having to strain your ears like you're listening for EVPs in an abandoned house. crazy.

it's slow progress, but it's something i'm proud of regardless. lovesong is by no means perfect, but it certainly is a step in the right direction; i had the thought the other day that, from all the tracks i've released this year (not counting the ep. we don't talk about the ep.), 'come to me' was like getting into a brand new car and turning on the engine. 'seeing redwood' was a very shaky foot to the pedal, where i had no idea in which direction i was going, but it sure as hell was somewhere. and 'lovesong to a country killer' feels a bit like getting a hang of the ropes. i still can't drive for shit, but i'm moving, and while i have no clue of where i'm going, i do know i want it to keep sounding like this.

i want to push further. harder. deeper. i want to play with sounds that i actually like, not sounds that are expected of me. i want to find a voice to sing in that doesn't make me feel small and ashamed. i want my music to not just sound like this or that artist, but to sound like me. to listen to something i've made and think, yes, this is my music. this is kissing in coffins.

it's a long way to go, but we'll get there. please continue listening, if you still enjoy it, and for now, i leave you with this lovesong. happy halloween, and i love you all.

mikey, kissing in coffins

2025 <3